At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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