Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize