he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
