my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Come on in and take your pants off
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