you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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