Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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