You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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