goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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