Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
