So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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