sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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