Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is it penis luge time yet?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
