8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize