I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize