Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
