Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
