my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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