she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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