period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
