this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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