Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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