I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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