Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
