It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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