I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
