im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
