so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
