i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
