he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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