He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
