think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
