SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
