the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
