We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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