This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
