woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
