the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
