I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
