She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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