So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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