I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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