I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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