So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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