you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
