I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
