He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
