Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
