But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
