I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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