Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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