pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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