how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
