after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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