i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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