Where are you?
In a non slutty way
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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