my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
