Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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