If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
