To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
