If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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