My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
