FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
