winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
