Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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