you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found your dick twin last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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