I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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